


Proud (Grand)Parents

by growup_thatbeautiful



Series: The Rusty Vegas Caldwell Chronicles [2]
Category: Ocean's Eleven Trilogy (Movies)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cute Linus Caldwell, Funny, I Don't Even Know, Just a Bunch of Funny, M/M, Post-Canon, Rusty Vegas Caldwell the Crab
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:16:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29706015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/growup_thatbeautiful/pseuds/growup_thatbeautiful
Summary: Rusty the Crab is back and it’s getting confusing. Also, Danny and Rusty are proud grandparents. baking shit and insults insure.
Relationships: Danny Ocean/Rusty Ryan
Series: The Rusty Vegas Caldwell Chronicles [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2175978
Kudos: 6





	Proud (Grand)Parents

**Author's Note:**

> he’s back!! i’m already writing the next part for this, someone stop me before it’s too late

“Linus , are you ready to go?” Danny called out to Linus, only to find him laying across the couch in his room, Rusty Vegas’ cage in front of him. 

“What do you mean? I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Of course you are. We need someone who can slip the key out of his pocket.” 

“I’m not going, Rusty is.” 

“Why would Rusty be doing that? We all know he can pickpocket for shit.” 

“Not the human Rusty, the crab. Rusty.” 

“You want to send a crab on a job?”

“Yes.” 

“Daniel, I think we should let him give it a try. You never know what could happen.” 

“Yeah, never underestimate that crab. I mean, how can he do anything wrong when he’s got such an awesome name.”

“You’re supposed to be on my side, Russ.”

“Us Rusties have to stick together, right Vegas?” Rusty looks in Linus’ general direction, not really knowing where Vegas. 

“Crabs can’t talk dumbass,” supplied Turk, always ready to give his input. 

“Oh, really? I thought that didn’t apply here because we have a shit ton of pigs talking,” snapped back Virgil.

“Why I oughta-“

“Boys, please save this for a later date when we have popcorn and Peanut MnMs. Rusty, you're coming with me.” Linus gets up with Vegas’ cage and Rusty gets up from his spot on the edge of Linus’ bed. They both look at each other then back at Danny.

“Jesus. I meant the human Rusty. That crab needs a new name.”

“No. It’s too late now. He’ll be so confused!”

“Fuck no, he’s got the best name.” Those are the only responses that Danny is able to understand, but everyone else in the room. 

“Why are all of you in my room? There’s like a million other rooms in this house.” 

“This one has two Rusties.” 

“Shut up Danny, no one wants to hear that.” 

“Yeah Danny, gross “ 

“Why would you even say that, Danny, that’s so disgusting,” Rusty adds, coming over and bumping against Danny’s shoulder on the way out. 

“The world is against me,” Danny sighs, also walking out the room. 

“Yeah, that’s an appropriate reaction.” Livingston isn’t even part of the conversation. He was just walking by the door, but he still insulted Danny. As he should. 

Basher walks by Livingston, giving him the Top Gun high-five as they pass by each other. 

“So does Rusty have the job or not?”

“Fucking hell. Sure, Linus, your crab can try to pickpocket. If this goes wrong then it’s on you.”

“Coms on, Danny, we all know that Rusty is everyone’s crab, not just Linus’.” 

“Call him Linus’ crab one more time and I swear to God, Daniel, you will not see the light of day.” 

“Sorry, I didn’t know this was a touchy subject.”  
“Yes you did,” Virgil quips.

“Yes I did. It’s just fun hearing Reuben threaten me over my son.” 

“Sorry folks, we don’t have time to go into that right now, although I am intrigued to hear how you got to grandson,” Livingston supplies, hanging around the door. 

“You’re really going to make me explain this?”

“I said we didn’t have time. I would love for you to get into it later, though. I’m expecting at least three intermissions so we can all understand how you think that crab is your son.”

“Yeah. He’s obviously your grandson.” 

“All of you can rot in hell.” 

“Love you too, grandpa.” 

Danny and Rusty and Rusty pack up in the car to get ready for their job. Rusty, the human, is sitting in the driver's seat and Danny in the passenger seat with Vegas’ cage in his lap, looking deeply unimpressed  
They get back about an hour later, only to find everyone in the kitchen, yelling at each other and pushing. 

“What are they-“

“Wrestling, maybe?” 

“Give me the goddamn spoon, Virgil. The recipe says to fold it not to stir it, Jesus.” 

“Linus, you need to chill. It’s not going to make that big of a difference in the end.”

“You obviously don’t know how to cook, Saul. It’s not going to have as many air pockets.”

“You watch too much Great British Baking Show,” complains Frank. 

“Real men know that’s not a real thing.” 

“Guys, Danny and Rusty are back.” 

“Turk, you’re a fucking horrible look out.” 

“I don’t know why you thought I would be good at that in the first place. This is not my fault.”

“He’s right, you know,” starts Livingston. “Can’t blame an idiot for being an idiot.”

“Hey!” Turk tries to reach across the kitchen to grab Livingston, who dodges out of the way. 

“Does that ever work? I don’t think we’ve ever successfully pulled off any scenario with a look out,” points out Danny. 

“We did that one time during that one job,” offers Linus.

“No, it didn’t end up working because apparently none of us fuckers know how to act naturally under pressure.”

“At least I didn’t start playing the piano in the air, Bash.”

“You can’t talk Linus, you did fucking jumping jacks.” 

“It all worked out in the end. How’d everything go?”

“You’re just changing the subject. But it went great. Rusty Vegas ended up really pulling through. Be careful, he might take your spot on the team.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“Come on kid, you know you would go out of your mind within a day of not having a job.”

“Most likely. But then I could stay at home all day and take care of the crab.”

“No way. We would take him with us on jobs,” interjects Rusty.

“And put him in danger like that? I’m disappointed in you, Rusty.” Reuben lightly hits Rusty upside the back of his head on his way to the pantry behind them, getting the flour out because they, being the idiots they are, forgot to put it in the first time. 

“You can just add flour at the end, right? It doesn’t make a difference or anything.” 

“It does, though.” 

“No one cares, Linus.”

“No, wait-“ It’s too late. Virgil has dumped two heaping cups of flour into their cake, without really measuring or sifting it at all. 

“Congrats, we made it thirty minutes into baking a cake, didn’t get it into the oven, and added at least four ingredients that weren’t in the recipe; sprinkles, chocolate chips, and regular chips.”

“I didn’t see you stopping us when we did those things, Reuben.” 

“Because I know better than to get in the way. Now, shove over, I want to pour it in the pan. Linus, chill out, I’m not going to-“

“Well, shit.” 

“You fucking dumbass. You goddamn fool. You missed the pan. How the hell did you miss the pan? It’s right in front of you. You’re a fucking meatloaf sandwich with mayonnaise.” 

“It’s not my fault it wasn’t where it was a second ago.”

“It’s been in the same place for the whole time. I was watching it,” adds Livingston helpfully from his spot on top of the counter. 

“You’ve been watching a pan for thirty minutes.”  
“Yes.”

“No judgment here.”

“What are you baking a cake for, anyways?”

“Rusty texted Linus to tell him that Vegas did good, so we were going to make him an initiation cake. You know, welcome him to the team.” 

“He’s a crab.” Danny doesn’t look amused.

“Your face is a crab,” defends Livingston. 

“Wow, you got really original there, bud.” 

“Fuck off.”

“I’m just going to change the topic now. I think it’s hat time.”

“The fuck is hat time?” Linus asks the question that everyone else is thinking. 

“It’s when Crabby over there gets to ride in my bucket hat. You can’t tell me that you don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“When you say crabby, do you mean Linus or the literal crab?” 

“That was uncalled for.” 

“Your face was uncalled for.”

“Livingston, for God’s sake, stop.”

“Make me.”

“I’ve never seen you do that in my life.”

“You all got around me in a circle when I did it this morning and chanted Uncle Saul’s boat hat. I walked around for ten minutes listening to you fools.”

“You are going crazy, old man,” chimes in Yen from his spot under the table. 

“Call me that one more time, I fucking dare you. I’ll rip your legs off and feed them to everyone else. They won’t know they’ve eaten you until it’s too late.”

“Why the fuck is that your first threat? Couldn’t come up with any less psychotic way to get your point across?”

“I could, it was just the best option.” 

“Like hell it was.” 

“Saul, give me that hat of yours and I’ll put the crab hat on it, free of charge. If you want I’ll even put a cute little crab,” adds Basher looking unexcited to the untrained eye, but the eleven of them can tell he really wants to.

“Sure, Bash. Sounds good to me.”

**Author's Note:**

> okay yes i stole some of these quotes straight from the hivemind, i’m sorry they’re too beautiful to be pushed aside.


End file.
